When someone you love is struggling with a substance use disorder, it can be hard to know what healthy support looks like. Family members often want to help, but fear that any assistance might make things worse or “enable” further substance use. This can leave loved ones feeling paralyzed, unsure whether to help at all.
Healthy support for a loved one can be vital in getting them the help they need. At the same time, certain behaviors rooted in good intentions can keep loved ones locked into unhealthy habits. Learning about the difference can help families support their loved one’s overall health and recovery.
The Difficulty of Defining “Enabling” Behavior
“Enabling” is not a clinical term in the medical field. Addiction organization We Face It Together defines enabling as “doing things that shield a person from the natural consequences of their behavior.” The Cleveland Clinic defines enabling as “justifying or supporting problematic behaviors in a loved one under the guise of helping them.” These definitions point to the same general idea, but don’t cover specific behaviors or situations.
Enabling is an umbrella term. There are certainly times when trying to support someone can actually support their unhealthy behavior. However, We Face it Together notes that a fear of enabling can often do more harm than good. Rather than thinking in broad terms, they suggest that families look at particular behaviors that are healthy or unhealthy.
Compassionate Support is Not Enabling
Because “enabling” carries such a negative connotation, many family members start to second-guess every form of help they offer. Some families swing to the opposite extreme, believing that stepping back entirely or showing “tough love” is the only responsible option. However, Boston Medical Center notes that compassionate support is not enabling. They stress that tough love is not necessary to help a loved one enter recovery.
Further, Boston Medical Center notes that waiting for a loved one to hit “rock bottom” before seeking treatment is actually harmful. This approach can allow the substance use disorder to progress further, increasing the risk of health complications and making treatment more difficult.
Common Forms of Enabling Behavior
So what does enabling actually involve? It often depends on the context. However, certain behaviors are almost always unhelpful. According to MedlinePlus, these can include lying or making excuses for a loved one’s substance use. The same applies to taking on the loved one’s responsibilities or using substances alongside them. In short, comforting, listening to, or spending time with a loved one isn’t enabling. Shielding them from the consequences of their substance use often is.
What Genuine Support Involves
Rather than ignoring or detaching from a loved one, genuine support often involves staying involved in their life. Encouraging treatment and attending appointments together can help a loved one move toward recovery without removing their motivation to change. Family members can also educate themselves on their loved one’s substance use disorder. This can reduce the stigma around the condition and help family members respond with patience rather than frustration during setbacks.
This kind of engaged, non-confrontational support has been found to be more effective at motivating loved ones toward treatment than approaches built around confrontation or withdrawal.
Genuine support also means allowing a loved one to experience the natural results of their choices, rather than consistently stepping in to soften every consequence. The Addiction Policy Forum notes that this often involves setting healthy boundaries. These may include a rule that no substances are allowed in the home, or that lending money to pay off debts is off limits. Setting these boundaries may feel difficult, but they serve to protect family members and can ultimately help a loved one struggling with substance use.
Family members can also benefit from their own support, such as family therapy. This can help them maintain boundaries consistently and manage the emotional toll of a loved one’s addiction.
Telling the Difference in the Moment
It’s not always easy to tell the difference between supporting and enabling in the moment. Families can ask an important question to help guide that decision: Is a given action supporting their loved one or their substance use?
For instance, helping someone get to a treatment appointment supports their well-being. Repeatedly covering debts caused by substance use protects the addiction instead. Learning to recognize the difference based on the situation can be more useful than trying to follow a rigid idea of enabling. These questions can be difficult to apply consistently, especially in emotional moments. This is one reason why seeking guidance, whether from a therapist or support group, can be so helpful for families as they support their loved ones.
Professional Outpatient Treatment in South Portland, ME and Tewksbury, MA
Effectively supporting a loved one through addiction is easier with the guidance of a professional treatment team. At Pillars Health Group, our outpatient treatment programs are designed to help individuals address substance use and underlying mental health challenges while building the skills needed for lasting recovery. We’re located at 707 Sable Oaks Dr #10 in South Portland, Maine, and 890 East St in Tewksbury, Massachusetts.
Our Half-Day Outpatient Treatment Programs offer structured, intensive care through counseling, skill-building, and group therapy while allowing clients to stay connected to their daily responsibilities. For those who need a higher level of support, our Full-Day Outpatient Treatment Programs offer a similar structure across a longer day. Our clinical team works closely with each client and their family, adjusting the treatment plan as needs evolve.
Healthy Support That Leads to Long-Term Recovery
Supporting a loved one with a substance use disorder doesn’t always fit into simple rules. It requires ongoing judgment, patience, compassion, and adjustment. With a proper understanding of healthy support, families can learn how to encourage a loved one’s overall well-being and long-term recovery.
Take the first step toward healing and happiness. Contact Pillars Health Group today at 855-828-0575 for compassionate support, personalized care, and answers to your questions.
